Stream of Consciousness 12th July
Today is going to be very challenging. It’s the first of my 12000 word days and I’ll be interested to see how it goes.
In theory, this should take around 6 hours of writing. I’m going to document it through the day and see how we go!
9.15-13.00
I’m planning this to be the first stint. It should be around 3 hours writing time with 45 minutes for breaks, doing a bit of housework, farting around etc.
I’m thinking that in this 3 hours I should be able to produce 6000 words. As it’s my first day of it, I’m assuming that SoC will be around 2000 words, I will do a Journal Jar and a Topics de Jour, perhaps a polemic if I can find one inspiring enough that I can write quickly on the subject without having to do any research, and lastly I can do some more work on the silly story I started the other day.
The story is turning out to be sort of science fiction. It’s not much cop at the moment, but it’s a good vehicle for practising with.
I need to try to make this 1000 words now before I stop, that is what the original intention was for SoC posts.
The sorts of things going through my mind right now are feelings that I am almost not in love anymore. This is a good place for me to be. When I am not in love, I function well, I like myself, I get things done, I often lose weight without thinking about it, I start to feel great about myself (not just because of any unconscious weight loss). I feel like the sort of person I want to be.
What I want to know, is why does it all go pear-shaped when I fall in love? I recognized some time ago that ‘this thing called love’ – this deep, longing, yearning, ‘can’t live without you’ stuff is more of an addiction than love. It’s come about because you are ‘needing’ that person, dependent upon them for the way you are feeling. They can make you feel elated or depressed simply by calling or failing to call.
I may have written already some weeks back, though I’m not sure, that when you are in love, if you have some kind of party, say, and 30 people are there who are good friends and love you for who you are, if the object of your desire fails to show, everyone else may as well not exist. You know it’s wrong to feel this way, but you do. If that one single person walked in to the room, then your whole day would be made.
The person I become when I am “in love” is someone I don’t admire or respect very much at all. I become needy for the person’s ‘tokens’ of affection. I need them to say or do certain things. I feel sick with longing. It’s so horrible. Love, for me, is not most of the time a good feeling.
The thing is it starts out good, you meet someone, and within a few short moments, your heart lifts, you feel wow, this person loves me, you love them back. It’s great. They call you every day – wow – haven’t had this for a long time. But, it doesn’t last.
What, I ask myself, goes wrong?
For me, the only successful romantic relationships I have with men are when I DON’T love them! When I’m in that state, I treat them like a normal person, I will disagree with them, challenge them, maintain an essential element of me.
I think to myself, is this what most people call love?
I have a feeling this post may turn into a ‘what is love’ kind of polemic in which case all this will be stripped out and I shall have to start again on SoC!! But never mind! I think I can do it!
Now, for me, love is all twisted and bound up with a lot of bad feelings – is this Eckhart Tolle’s ‘pain-body’? If so, where did it come from, where did I learn it?
I look at my sister’s relationships – she has had far more than me, many boyfriends at school and the like which I never had. I lived a lot of years in the shadow of my younger sister’s attractiveness. I was “the clever one”.
Did I learn it from her? Her relationships were always filled with pain. Not now, her husband is a great guy, but she nearly pushed him away with her jealousy, clinging neediness.
I’m looking now at my parents’ marriage – but their marriage has been in my eyes one of the best a person could want. There was a very bad patch when I was a young teen – mother was having health issues which we did not know at the time – but they stuck together through it and for most of their partnership have been very happy.
I look at my grandparents’ marriages. On one side of the family, my granny was widowed at 49 and I apparently met granddad, I was though only a year old when he died. So I cannot offer any experience of love from observing her – other than a few years later she gained a ‘boyfriend’ who visited her just to talk and have supper three times a week until she died. There was a point at which they were going to marry, but she called it off – he had said something to her like ‘if it doesn’t work out, I can always go back home to mother’ – she was on the bus to the Registry Office to get the requisite marriage licence and thought it through and didn’t want to marry someone going in to it with that attitude that it might not work.
On the other side of the family, my grandparents did row a lot. Their marriage was founded in something many years earlier – I won’t write it here – but suffice to say in granny’s eyes, granddad had ‘saved’ her. Now, we had the wrong end of the stick about certain aspects until just a few years ago. My father in fact didn’t know about it at all until he was 50 so I’m wondering if anything will be revealed to me when I turn that great age next year? LOL I hope not.
Having said that, for the most part, I was not privy to this environment of rowing so it can’t have been that either.
I turn now to friends. Most of my friends had ‘boyfriends’. I don’t know what went wrong with me. When I was about 11 there were some boys at school who wanted me to be their girlfriend, but I got hung up on ‘looks’. I only wanted to go out with handsome guys and, for crying out loud, why would a handsome guy date me? But anyway, I digress. I have a great weakness for pretty boys. If I am in love with someone – usually a pretty boy – though not always – the last guy I was in love with was by no means a pretty boy – but he has something about him, the curve of his back, his neck… but anyway.. I let them get away with murder.
I used to date this guy in 1994/5 – he was, in my eyes, utterly drop dead gorgeous. Very tall, slim, not hairy, dark brown hair, handsome face. We had so much in common even – he bought me a Swiss Army Knife for my birthday.
(9.15-9.40 = 1271 words done!)
That, to me, shows a guy who understands his woman. I had female friends who used to say crap like “you can buy any woman a basket of Body Shop goodies and she’ll be overjoyed”. Not me, sunshine, really not me. The smell in that shop makes me feel sick – all that cloying, coagulating, heavy perfume – yeurgh.
We sat and listened to Feynman Lectures on Physics on CD together. He bought me a big book of essays written in honour of David Bohm.
We went to heavy metal concerts together. Wow he was gorgeous!
What went wrong? Well I’m still to this day not sure. A friend of mine says it’s because he was never sure he had me. He came out with stuff like – he had this Swedish friend – female – and told me about how when he went to Sweden he shared a bed with her otherwise he would have had to sleep on the floor. Now, this incident occurred BEFORE I even knew him so why would I care? So I said ‘great’ and proceeded to tell him about a Norwegian guy I was friends with. He didn’t say anything and I thought nothing of it.
Then, sometime after we broke up, we had that heart-to-heart we should probably have had during our relationship, not afterwards, and he was telling me about his new girlfriend. He said he told her exactly the same story about the Swedish girl, and she went mad with jealousy! And it was totally apparent, from the tone of his voice, and the look on his face, that this is the reaction I should have had!
Now, I recognize – and am beginning to recognize – that in the last serious object of my affections. I obviously didn’t get needy enough.
I’m torn here, I really am. Most men I thought find neediness unattractive, but there are obviously SOME who crave it. If you aren’t showing them neediness, then they interpret this to mean that you don’t love them.
In fact, actually, I remember the last object of my affections – when we were first ‘getting to know each other’ in different countries (we had met in real life lest you think this was an internet romance) – he called me one morning and said “I have feelings for you. Go on, you have feelings for me too”. Well he pushed the point a bit and said did I love him. Well, I felt that I did, but I wasn’t going to tell him that after just a week or so – and also it wasn’t the kind of zap pow thing that is normally taken to be love. It was a warm cuddly feeling. So I said “I have feelings to, but I don’t love you”. He said “You don’t love me?” in a surprised and hurt voice and the phone went dead. I was then unable to contact him all day. So in the evening I wrote him a message on FB and said I supposed I did actually.
So as you can see, he played a mind game there – he desparately wanted me to say I loved him. Was gutted when I said I didn’t. Then pushed me to it by this withholding phone calls crap (bearing in mind he had been calling me for hours every day from abroad).
But then what – does he say it back? NO! So why?
I have got inklings now about what is going on in his head.
So, anyway, someone please tell me why I fetch up with emotionally screwed up guys? I always feel like ‘the great healer’. I tell mybest friends the guys problems (not in any detail of course! Just ‘oh he’s so stressed at work’ or ‘his boss hates him’ or whatever, and expect my friends to feel sympathy for them – when actually they couldn’t give a flying fig – half the time they haven’t met these guys.
So, there’s me The Great Healer rushing to rescue them.
Now, this leads nicely into a topic that I was going to write a polemic about, maybe I can somehow pick the bones out of this post and make something of it.
Why do we attract the men that we attract?
A friend of mine seems to attract neat-freaks. It’s not like she stands there with a questionnaire when she meets them and falls for them, but within a matter of days, they always turn out to be fussy dressers, fussy sleepers, immaculate house-tidiers or whatever. We were wondering, what do they see when they look at her? Another female friend gave a clue – this particular friend of mine is always getting stared at too – men or women – doesn’t matter. My other female friend who has only met her the once said “I would stare too – she is so striking with that immaculate hair, makeup and nails”. So my friend and I were wondering …. do ‘neat freaks’ look at her, register the immaculate hair, makeup and nails, and think – consciously or otherwise – a nice tidy person to suit my neat-freak personality?
Now, me, I always seem to acquire guys who need ‘fixing’ emotionally. When I think back through my past, I’m struck by just exactly how many of my guys needed fixing up. I give them something – love affection support etc, they suck me dry, spit me out and then move on to someone else, as more healed men.
So, I don’t stand there with a clipboard interviewing prospective ‘candidates’ for the position of ‘boyfriend’ going “Have you got an emotional problem that you need some kind of emotional healing that you are going to suck me dry bleed my dry vampire like and not return my love in a healthy way” ok – step right this way, I’m all yours!
So, in which case, it must be something in the way I dress or look.
Now, how is that?
I don’t wear makeup. My well-made-up friend and I were talking the other day about how I went to one of those Selfridge’s Beauty Playground events once – where all the cosmetics houses make you up for free. Her instant response was “I bet they couldn’t do it with you”.
9.40-10. 2305 words – slowing down lady that’s 1071 in the past 20 minutes as opposed to 1200ish in the first..
Anyway, I digress.
It’s true. I went to this thing and was parked in front of one big cosmetic houses’s counter. I swear that she put 7 different layers of gloop on my face. There was the gloop to fill in my acne scars. Then another greeny gloop to tone down redness, then more different gloops for various ‘imperfections’ in my fizzog. Then there were the 3 layers of eyeshades, the foundations, the powders, the rouges, the lipfoundation, the lipstick, the lipgloss… whatever else!
I felt uncomfortable like my face was suffocating.
(I digress I’m getting nibbled, shall have to go and squirt mosquito repellent on my shoulders). Back now.
I looked at another woman, who was made up like a clown, and I said to her – “Do I look like a clown” “Yes” she answered.
So I made my way down to the ladies’ toilets on the next floor and the whole big room was filled with women washing off these paint jobs – with probably £50 worth of makeup on each face never seeing the light of day.
OK, so back to the story. I don’t wear makeup. I wore some to my sister’s wedding in 2005 – had to buy new – I still have it. I wore some a couple of weeks ago when I had to go complete some paperwork where trying to look like a woman on the verge of marriage (without actually saying so) was going to help things along a little. And that, dear reader, is that.
I don’t pay a huge attention to clothes either. In fact, I’ve only kind of realised lately that just by dressing differently I can look a deal slimmer. Sometimes I feel like I would like a clothing makeover and sometimes not – I have a big ‘can’t be botheredness – it’s just clothes’ thing going on here – but is it something else? That’s the problem with all this introspection – everything I assumed was a positive choice, I’m starting to re-examine and see if it’s in fact an avoidance of something else.
Now, so, here’s me, dressed in unflattering clothes (what someone at work many years ago used to call my ‘man repellant’ clothes), not wearing any makeup or jewellery. A guy sees me. He is emotionally in need of healing in some way and does something in him respond to that appearance of me? A big woman with a pleasant face – is it some kind of ‘mother’ thing – F** ME – I have just had a light bulb go on – all these guys have F**D relationships with their mothers!!!!
Blow me down with a feather. I never clicked it before. I mean, I know the last one did, but I hadn’t tied this in at all to the other ‘big’ romances in my life but it’s TRUE!!!
In fact, you know, in all my adult life, the one guy I had the greatest relationship with – we went out for maybe 18 months, that we both loved each other and did talk seriously about living together – had a perfectly normal relationship with his mother, I met him at a conference where we were doing things of mutual interest, and I was dressed reasonably attractively (for me!).
We bust up because (a) we had little in common – though we sought desparately for that and (b) he was a workaholic (something quite a lot of the guys I’ve really fallen for have in common).
Now, the other feature of my life, when I am not actually having a relationship with guys, is that I have had a constant stream of ‘guy friends’ – in a slightly different context to ‘just friends’. I have like many women got male friends who are simply that.
There has never been any ‘romantic’ attraction between us at all. This is not what I am talking about here.
What I am talking about is those guy friends where we have ‘feelings’ for each other, but because he is ‘taken’ as it were – and is going through some kind of bad patch – we don’t act upon them. So I don’t class these as ‘platonic’ friendships because there IS an attraction which, if circumstances were different we WOULD act upon. Now, I deeply suspect that these guys are my true-style partners. They are all ‘moral’ – they’re human in that they are tempted, they fetch up with me who keeps them slightly at arm’s length – albeit am obviously attracted back – we meet, talk, have drinks, go out sometimes, but ultimately, their relationship gets through its bad patch and back on course. They haven’t cheated and have nothing to feel guilty about.
OK, so what is the common thread there again – is it ALWAYS about some kind of ‘emotional healing’ – why do I attract that in to my life? Do I need to feel ‘useful’ like that?
Now, I know – and did I write it during this experiment or not – that I have some issues about ‘being loved for its own sake’. This might be boiling down to that ultimately – maybe deep down I learned that I was not loved just for being me, but for things that I did. I wasn’t loved if I didn’t get good grades at school (because I was “the clever one”) whereas my sister was “never mind dear you did the best you could” (because she was “the pretty one” and in point of fact didn’t do 1 second of revision and patently had NOT done the best she could!).
Waaaa – it’s all screwed up. Did I learn to dress the way I did to attract people who would ‘need’ me in to my life?
Hm.. So it’s like a viscious circle. I don’t consciously dress to attract those guys, yet I do. Those guys possibly don’t consciously look at me and go ‘mummy’ or whatever, but do.
What a tangled web we weave!
10-10:20 3302 words written!
Time for a break. I’m going to shower because I’m going to call the telephone man. Ha.
I called him – I wonder what ‘mesh a mesh’ means? We shall see!
OK, just boiling up the kettle.
I’ve realised why my rate ‘slowed’ and that’s because the first block was 25 minutes not 20 – dur brain!!!
I’m planning to start the next block at 1050 in just 3 minutes.
Poised……
10:50-11:10
Ok and we’re off!
I’m going to persist with this telephone thing. If I can get it done, without recourse to Arabic speaking friends I shall be 100% over the moon pleased with myself!.
I don’t think I’ll carry on with the topic from before the break any longer. It’s reached a natural pause.
So anyway, this work I’m doing with a client. I have offered for me to be HER first client too and I have finally thought of an issue she can work with me on. It’s not too complex – but is a challenge for me and pushes me in to the realms of discomfort – and that is getting things done around here!
There are a number of jobs I need doing in my home. I am not an Arabic speaker. I have issues with telephones on the best of days anyway (maybe I’ll write about that later because it came up in conversation yesterday in another context anyway!).
So, if she does 6 sessions with me and her pre-assessment call – and I keep it to ‘lightish’ subjects and mentor her through it – that could work. What I need to do is to email her and if she thinks this is all a good idea.
We can spread it over 3 months (as I’m going to be away mid-August for a couple of weeks anyway).
I do need to start getting some income. The numpty living in my flat has not paid rent for 2 months and is in theory leaving next week. Because of his dithering about, I have not got any tenant lined up to move in when he leaves – this is totally annoying because it means a void when I will be liable for any council tax. I think when I go back to the UK, I need to get this sorted somehow, write to them explain that I have no income and it causes me hardship.
I do need to get on the case for a number of things back in the UK – I need to complete my tax return for 08/09 for one thing! I need to figure out about registering my business and what the full implications of that are. I can see a chat with the people at non-residents coming up.
I feel that I’m beginning to run out of steam a little now with this thing – if I can keep going til 11:10 I should have over 4000 words down. If I in fact make it 11:05, that will bring it round to exactly one and a quarter hours of work – check that just in case I’ve made some kind of calculation error!
Yes, I checked and that is indeed the case. Gardener is here – let me just check if it is the guy I need to pay… no – where is he? I haven’t seen him for over a week and he hasn’t been paid for June yet! His choice! I also want to ask him about the fence – doing something ‘helwa’ with it.
Now, I can waffle on a bit about the swimming I think. I went swimming yesterday for the first time in a month well 4 weeks anyhow (excluding the trip to Maria’s almost a month ago). I have got a membership to a sports club here and I had decided in May that I need to write down the value. It is expensive (but not as expensive as it is now to join it and certainly not as expensive as some of the others round here!)
So, I figured, if I go 200 times, that will make it cheaper to have bought the membership than to use the local hotels. If I go 400 times, that halves that price.
Ultimately I would like to bring the value down to 15 per use, but that is a long way off.
So, essentially if I go 4 times, I can write down 1% of the 400. When I have achieved 50% of that, I have made it cheaper than hotels – except for the fact that I have lost interest on money I could have had in the bank.
I had intended to clock up around 4% in that stretch of sickness, which of course I am behind now. So, once more I am upon the case. I want to try and clock 1% a week.
I’m at 3.5% right now, 2 more swims puts me at 4%. What would be nice is if I can
squeeze and extra couple in during the remainder of July and hit 7% by then.
I just need to get in to a routine. I’m wondering about buying a much cheaper netbook just to do typing on, then I can take it to the pool with me and be less concerned about it getting nicked.
We are in the last minute of my revised segment of 11:05 and I have gone well over the 4000 so that is good.
When it finished, I’m going to go and do a bit of housework.
Going now and the word count is 4219.
OK, I’m going to start again, it’s just coming up to 11:30, and I have opened a Journal Jar so catch you later Bill n Ted!
I’m nipping over here quickly just to say that I have bright glows in my eyes. You know if you stare at a bright light and the after image lasts a while, well this seems to be going on too long. It’s obscuring my view of the screen. I’m going to put my sunnies on – I guess I could just turn out the lights instead – and also get some more mozzie spray.
I’ve turned out the lights and I can barely see. The glowing on my retinas is too much. Sunnies it might have to be. It’s not helping – it seems to be my right eye – jagged shapes on the right hand side of the page where I’m looking.
I hope to God it’s nothing serious! It’s like there’s a big ‘flash’ like in a comic strip up the side there. Sunnies making no difference. Lights off making no difference. Almost like I’ve burnt a hole in my retina!
Maybe if I cover the eye up somehow – stick some tissue over the lens? No help at all – maybe its some kind of floater – I really hope this is nothing serious! Scarey city. I can’t be doing with that!
It seems to be expanding, getting bigger – maybe it was something on the front of the eye that is diffusing across – despite the fact the jagged edges are now as big as a dinner plate – I’m beginning to be able to see in the middle again, suggesting it’s temporary.
I’ve turned the page colour on the documents to pale grey to see if that helps.
Well it’s midday and I’m just hopping over here to say I’ve now done 5309 words so far this morning and that has taken 1.75 hours.
The big shape is still there in my eye, but is beginning to fade – fingers crossed eh!
Overall, my rate of production has slowed a bit – but then I did have the eye-panic part way through this half hour which cost me a few minutes. I also went in search of a book to get some ideas, but couldn’t find it. Luckily, I was able to be strict with myself and curtail the search. Otherwise, I might have got obsessed with it and blown the word counts out of the water.
With a bit of luck, I am going to have the 6000 words achieved in the not too near future, well before 1pm, so I’m looking forward to that!
OK 12:10 and I have now gone over the morning’s target of 6000 words, yippee doo.
This works out an average production of 3050 words per hour.
I’m going to take a break now and eat.
I then have another 6000 words to produce today. I haven’t completed the journal jar yet, so that will take a few hundred words I hope – and continuing to work on this SoC will maybe bring another few hundred – let’s say – words to come on this and on JJ will amount to around 1500. Thus, I need to plan another 4500 words in there somewhere!
I shall cogitate and ruminate over my dinner.
I’ve allocated approximately another 4000 words to be completed by 5pm – this gives me nearly 5 hours to achieve that in – it’s only around 1.5 hours of writing, so I have thinking time and all sorts in there.
Well it’s coming up to 2pm and I have spent a lot of time doodling around on the forums. Time, me thinks, to do something more productive again.
I’ve got 3 hours left to produce 4000 words if I can, so that is around 1350 per hour. I think I will go and add that baby target to my counter sheet.
I would like to examine the idea of whether I am more auditory or visual. I always thought I was visual – I need to see instructions in writing – I can’t take in meaning when it is spoken at me. I forget the front half of a sentence by the time I’ve heard the back half. And yet, take music – well actually I see the music in front of me, and I play – but then I get to a point once I have learned the tune where I no longer look at the music, I hear it in my head and the fingers react.
When I am typing, audio used to stream through me without passing brain cell. Even now, doing all this typing, I am dictating to myself! I have a spoken thought commentary going on and it is coming out through my fingers.
Now, this reminds me to note down something I have been inkling about in the past few days – years ago, I used to build ‘rock operas’ in my mind – streaming together different tunes to make a story. Maybe I should do that with the Magnum Opus? Maybe, I should, now I have written the blueprint for part 1, consider a sound track for it to carry me and the story along?
That would be very interesting to do. Only pity is I don’t have my CD collection here. One of the things I have planned to do in August back in the UK is copying up all my CDs, my photos etc, so they are all there on computer.
Well I’ve finished my journal jar. It didn’t make 2000 words, but it did go over 1500 so that’ll do. It was quite a difficult subject – I didn’t particularly learn any ‘special’ skills other than living!
I’m edging towards needing another break – have been sat on the sofa for about 5 hours so far today. I have heard nothing from the telephone man. I might have to give in and go get someone else to phone him. I wish the laundry guy would come because then I could ask him to phone. So annoying.
I think I’ll go sort the bathroom, then I’ll put a shirt on and go see if I can find a guy outside to speak to the telephone man.
Meanwhile, it’s 14:26 and I have done another 1000 words in the past half hour. Slower going, but I’m feeling the pressure is off a little now I have done 7000 today so far.
Went outside, no guards anywhere. Huh.
It is very hot. I’ve invited a friend to come round later – she is a frustrated artist – I want to ask her about somethings – maybe doing some paintings here for me for my living room.
Also, I was thinking about this project manager business and I think I will ask her if she would be interested in doing it. It would make sense.
Now, today, I realise, room of the day is the bathroom. That’s good because it ties in with a friend coming round. So when I have the next 1000 words finished, I’ll go and do a serious quantity in there. I also need to get at least one of the cushion covers back on!
I’m wondering whether there’s enough stuff going on for a TDJ now? I’m not convinced. I’ll leave it for later.
I’m actually feeling that I’ve run out of steam now, so I think it’s time for the story, some utter fiction to take my mind off it all and generate some more wordle streams 
OK – the Makwa came so I asked him if he would phone the telephone engineer for me.
He did, the phone engineer apparently says I have to call the company. Well I have done that, so I have just done it again. We will see.
This is ANNOYING. I wish I spoke Arabic better – well there’s no point wishing my girl, you have to actually do something about it!
Anyway, that diversion means I’m going to slip the immediate target right now.
Apparently what I am doing with a small focused target at a time is ‘sequence intending’.
OK back to the story.
Ta da – only 4000 words left to do today and it’s just coming up to 1545.
I need to go clean the bathroom now.
Hm – entirely sidetracked – I remember some financial jiggery pokery I had to do so have paid a few bills, checked a few things out – and am now putting together a collage of paintings I like that are on the internet to go with a plan I have to ask an artist neighbour if she will create some original artworks for my sitting room. Helps her out, helps me out.
I was thinking of buying some art, it would be nice to have some originals. As long as she doesn’t do cutesy stuff! I don’t think she will!
Anyway, there we are. I kind of cleaned the bathroom but I guess I just need to run in there now and change the glass and wipe the glass shelf.
OK, done a bit more bathroom. Now, I’ve reset the target for 6pm and got around 1800 words to go.
This is interesting, just tell a tale and see where it goes! Something just cropped up in my story that wasn’t there at the start! How did that happen! I’m just meandering from place to place with it!
Fab – just got an email from ‘jenna’ saying she has ‘cleansed my energy’.
Haven’t figured out how much she wants to charge me for all this yet, LOL!!!
I have a headache now and I feel a bit tired. I think I might have a snooze on the couch – just took 2 paracetemol.
I’ve actually got less than 3000 words to go for the whole remains of the day, so it won’t be a complete disaster!
OK, the sleep thing didn’t happen. I’m still tired, but obviously not tired enough to sleep! I’ve sat on my ass all day – but hey I did do a lot yesterday! I’ll try and force myself out later for a circuit, maybe buy a new light bulb for the other lamp.
I’m enjoying writing this story, even though its hokum. It’s meandering around a bit – a bit ‘immature’ as a developed story, but I think I need to write more of these as part of the project so as to get practice at developing characters and so on.
Had another little break. Friend coming round sound, bringing her daughters. I’ve asked them to bring a book as I want to talk to mum privately.
I didn’t get back to this at all tonight. Ended up being out with friends until gone 1am. Some things are more important than writing projects!
Word count: 6033
what will I write about! LOL!
